If a Man who loves his woman, he is considered to be real man…

I do not have rights to ask updates from my boyfriend. I wonder if he is fine or not, I wonder if he is feeling al right there. I am afraid to call him, I am afraid to ask his updates. Is it so wrong giving him so much care? As what people say “If you give too much love, you will lose your own values so never become slave for your feelings”. I used to think, this is utterly bullshit. But now, I feel it’s right.

Perhaps, love has become like scar in my heart. A big scar that cannot be cured even after applying creams, even after time passing by. But I have no patience to be strong. So many people told me to have patience, to do this or to do that. But my patience is dead. Enduring power is dead. Also I cannot cope with being strong all the time. It is very hard to be strong. I must keep smiling all the time in front of my parents, if I am sad my parents will scold me that I am sad but they do not understand my real emotion. I just wanted to go outside somewhere, very far, where there are no human beings except animals and plants.

As if now, I am really getting irritated with this human life. I feel like to end it. I cannot wait for the dooms day to occur; I just want to smash this entire life, so that I can rebuild in a right way at least in my next birth. I know you all might think perhaps I am sounding like an evil person, but right now I am going through utter depression. Depression is because, I feel completely lonely, no friends, no time to talk with my boyfriend. I can feel everyone around me is extremely busy. But I am just sitting somewhere in the corner weeping all the time, begging everybody to spare limited time with me. Then one day, I would probably become like mad person. Huh!!! Mad people are much better than me because, mad people will laugh happily they will enjoy, they will dance and they do not care what society might think. I must really learn from mad people that how to be so happy….

I do not want to complain about any stuff. But what I really require is affection. Why am I not getting affection? I am giving affection to everybody, I am giving care and support to everybody. I talk very well, I will move out very well. I never look down on others. Then why do I get ill treatment from people? When every girl is having loving and caring boyfriend, but my fate is completely different. Of course, I understand my boyfriend. He is busy, extremely busy; he has no time to take fresh air at least. But at least for limited time about 10 or 5 minutes I wish he could talk to me. I wish he could give me so much care, love and attention. I wish my boyfriend would never blame me whenever I am sick. I wish my boyfriend will never blame his fate whenever I share my pains with him. Love is not only co-operation or understanding. Love is also coping up with the pressure coming from two sides. When you love your family so much, when you love your life so much, when you love your work so much, then I wonder if any girl is crying for you how you can be so careless. Is this because, men are proud or is this because we women are cheap?