He moved to his native place. He doesn't want to talk to me. He wants to stay alone peaceful and happy. He asked me to not call him anymore because he assumes that I am gonna torture him. His silence is killing me, therefore I can see him online on facebook chatting with his other friends so active but why cant me?

Fine, if he doesn't want to talk I wont bother him anymore. What happened to me? I was very strong and responsible enough. I used to be focussed in work but today because of him I couldn't do my job. I feel miserable now. He spoke to my sister and he told her that I should be strong because he will return Hyderabad in the month of March and he will land a new job. I wonder if he loves me or not. When he is asking me to fuck off why am I still begging him? He said he needed a break but I cannot endure when he chats with his friends. Fine!!! I will endure with silence no matter what shit going to happen I will be calm. 

I feel like screaming my guts out. What am I doing with myself? How come I ended up as a crying baby? I had no clarity not even now. Life seems so unfair, dead people are lucky. Ever since I finished my graduation, I have been working day and night as career counselor but I did not gain any reward except regret. Tried my luck in media but its not working out. Looks like I am going to end up as a big fat loser. I have regrets about my decisions. My parents think I am growing older although I am just fucking 25 years old I still think I am young but my soul is old. I am stuck, I can't move, I can;t think. Is it because of constant failed relationships? Every man I met so far has hit me on my head with a big rock punched me until I stopped  breathing. I was never scared of losing someone I moved on quickly but why am I becoming fragile now???

The only thing that keeps me happy is working in a school with bunch of kids who have no idea of relationships all they know is to play. Whenever I see them smiling, cheering, jumping and dancing I feel like how lucky they are they have long way to go ahead. When I come out of school the radiant smile on my face fades slowly. Its all because, I am in love in a fucking love. I am in love with a crazy, insane guy called "Romeo". He is a sucker of love. He loves me, but not the way I do. He wants me but not the way I do. My perception is totally different. He stands North and I stand South, Our thoughts, ideas are different. Both of us are crazy people, we cry, we die, we live, we stand, we fall. The only difference between me and him is that, he never gets scared of losing me but I do. The fact I hate myself is only because I am in love with ruthless man Romeo. I dont hate him, I am hating myself. I am blaming myself. I dont know why am I doing this? I want to control my feelings I am well aware of that. But why can't I do it?

Wherever I am going, I am watching couples kissing and hugging. I see boyfriends pampering their girlfriends whenever they are mad. I am envied now. Why can't I get that kind of life? Why doesn't any guy pamper me? Why do men think I want to win all the time? I want to get married and settle down as a queen of his heart. When every girl is getting what she wants but I have craving ending up with it. Romeo is something different he is magical in his presence but when he is absent he is just disappeared. He never cares if I cry all he knows is laughing. I wish I would be much strong as him, But I am wasting my precious life thinking and shedding down tears, But he is very joyful. I hate him because of that. Can't he cry for me? 

Do I look like a bitch to you??? Or do you treat me as a slave ????

Dear Romeo???

romeo??? I mean how stupid that name sounds its hilarious, fucking hilarious. You are just 6 years younger than me and I cant believe I am dying for you every minute. You have been mistreating me for over an year and I have been enduring this even though I don't want to and that is more painful than anything in this world. Your name is Romeo but I do also believe that your character is like Romeo. Why have you been rising false expectations in me??? Is this some sort of revenge? Or you want to kill me slowly?

I did realized you are like a drug that I am addicted to. Whenever I suck your lip, I feel like I am travelling beyond heaven and the next minute I forget my sorrows. Why do I always feel like you should be beside me? But when I turn around you are not there its like your dead leaving scar in my heart and its deeply wounded perhaps you dont care. I want you, but you never be there. You laugh at my emotions, when I scream you laugh hard and when you laugh hard my heart is always wounded. But you do turn up like an ointments who wants to cure my wounded heart but its too late Romeo you must know that its already been septic. The more you hurt me the more I am bleeding.

Who changed you to be more reckless? You take money from me whenever you want to, but then you dont really understand in return what I need is your care. What am I thinking/? You dont know the meaning care at all.