I feel like screaming my guts out. What am I doing with myself? How come I ended up as a crying baby? I had no clarity not even now. Life seems so unfair, dead people are lucky. Ever since I finished my graduation, I have been working day and night as career counselor but I did not gain any reward except regret. Tried my luck in media but its not working out. Looks like I am going to end up as a big fat loser. I have regrets about my decisions. My parents think I am growing older although I am just fucking 25 years old I still think I am young but my soul is old. I am stuck, I can't move, I can;t think. Is it because of constant failed relationships? Every man I met so far has hit me on my head with a big rock punched me until I stopped  breathing. I was never scared of losing someone I moved on quickly but why am I becoming fragile now???

The only thing that keeps me happy is working in a school with bunch of kids who have no idea of relationships all they know is to play. Whenever I see them smiling, cheering, jumping and dancing I feel like how lucky they are they have long way to go ahead. When I come out of school the radiant smile on my face fades slowly. Its all because, I am in love in a fucking love. I am in love with a crazy, insane guy called "Romeo". He is a sucker of love. He loves me, but not the way I do. He wants me but not the way I do. My perception is totally different. He stands North and I stand South, Our thoughts, ideas are different. Both of us are crazy people, we cry, we die, we live, we stand, we fall. The only difference between me and him is that, he never gets scared of losing me but I do. The fact I hate myself is only because I am in love with ruthless man Romeo. I dont hate him, I am hating myself. I am blaming myself. I dont know why am I doing this? I want to control my feelings I am well aware of that. But why can't I do it?

Wherever I am going, I am watching couples kissing and hugging. I see boyfriends pampering their girlfriends whenever they are mad. I am envied now. Why can't I get that kind of life? Why doesn't any guy pamper me? Why do men think I want to win all the time? I want to get married and settle down as a queen of his heart. When every girl is getting what she wants but I have craving ending up with it. Romeo is something different he is magical in his presence but when he is absent he is just disappeared. He never cares if I cry all he knows is laughing. I wish I would be much strong as him, But I am wasting my precious life thinking and shedding down tears, But he is very joyful. I hate him because of that. Can't he cry for me?