Mother and father, please give me freedom, please do not control my life

My boyfriend was true, his statement was absolutely right. He told me three days ago that he could never understand the situation of Indian family. He thinks that Indian family issues are like world war and for every small thing they will create huge mess. I think he is absolutely right. His perspective towards Indian family cannot change now; in fact I cannot change either. It is just because of me. I have shared every small thing about my family issues with my boyfriend. Perhaps, I thought I should not hide anything from him it is so important for me to confess the truth about family also. But, I guess I feel regret now. I should not have shared anything about my family because, my boyfriend is feeling little insecure about my case and I guess he is getting afraid to step into my family now. But I was helpless myself it’s me to be blamed. 

It is the matter of fact that every Indian family is over conservative. Before doing anything, something, they just keep thinking about society first. “What does society think, if I will do this?”. “What does society think, if I will go there?”, “What does society think, if I am not here?”, “What does society think if I marry this person”?, “What does society think if I could do any job?”. Every matter is related with society. I feel sorry that Indian parents do rely on society before doing something but before doing this, they just forget that they do not own any identity. My Parents belong to this category. My parents always think about others but they cannot think about their own happiness. My parents do think about future and they get worried so easily. When we don’t know what is going to happen in future why to stress at that point? It’s completely baseless… I am also feeling sorry that my parents would accept every simple issue like world war. Probably, its because of generation gap or communication gap I really do not understand this. But I am sure of one thing, they are not enjoying their lives and they don’t let us to enjoy either.

 I am suffering with this problem since my childhood, and I feel like this is enough and I have to end this. But unfortunately due to my lack of independency, and that I am unable to earn money for myself, I cannot stand high on my feet in this typical Indian society. I wanted to be selfish, but I cannot be selfish. After all, they are my own family members I have no rights to abandon them but I do know, that they want to control my life and I cannot accept this. Because of this, my parents are upset with me, and their angst level is raising high towards me, but I am helpless I want to lead my own life too.  I am seeing every Chinese children having harmonious family. Every person is individual and they do mind their own business rather being interfering in other’s and creating big mess. My boyfriend told me about Chinese adult people. He said, “When boy or girl enter into adult age they will not depend on anyone and they will become sensible to handle their own life. Parents also do not force their wishes because they believe on their own kids that they will never take the direction of wrong path”. Upon hearing this, I felt jealous. I feel envy of Chinese children. How lucky Chinese kids are… They got liberal parents and everyone co-ordinate to each other. 

In India it’s different even though children reach to adult age, even though they have their own rights to choose their life, parents cannot accept this point. They still control their children and they will decide their future. For example, is me. I am 21 year old now, and I am matured. I figured out the differences between right or wrong. So I am well capable enough to judge my own life. I am myself, and I always wanted to be myself. My parents do not accept this decision of mine. They do force me even till now, to obey them. I will obey them when it is something about which I don’t know. But I cannot obey them about everything. They wanted me to get married with one Indian boy who belongs to their same caste. I did not agree, I chosen my own by getting into serious commitment with one Chinese boy. My mother did not agree with this decision. She thought, I was bad girl and I am trying to destroy their reputation. But I still did not give up, and I stood stubborn upon my decision. By seeing me, my mother has accepted but I cannot figure out in her eyes that she did not accept with her whole hearted. I cannot complain about it, and there are no regrets I am extremely happy with my actions. When I shared about this case with my boyfriend, he said, he is afraid that he could fall apart one day. I don’t know with who else I can talk to, so I am only consoling my own soul. 

Life is really tough. My boyfriend was right towards me because, he thinks I am really unlucky person to born in this kind of family. I still feel unlucky the same. But now, I cannot think about this any longer. I know, I must be really strong to deal with any situation. I have completed my graduation, grown up, my mind is matured, I am aged around 21 but am I still kid to get afraid of anyone’s fierce commands? What happened to me? I was brave, I was strong, and I used to be myself. Then why is that suddenly I am falling apart easily??? Why cannot I enjoy my own life??? 

I am changed. Once upon a time, I was kind of girl who used to be over talkative. Who used to argue over anything very badly, who used to throw hot temper on everyone? But this girl has changed now. She is no more over temper girl. She has become calm, she is smiling, and she is easily forgiving everyone. She is learning to lead life in sensible manner. And I am proud of myself now. But my mom thinks I am avoiding them. If she thinks this way, I am helpless…

Dear mother and father, I am sorry I have tried many ways to get good impression from you. But you both never understood what I want.. I wanted freedom, I wanted to cherish my life with friends. You both had never let me to go out with my friends for watching movies. You both had never let me to be myself; you both had never trusted me. And this is really hurting now. When you both lost trust on me completely then I think I have nothing to do myself to prove something. Because, no matter whatever I am doing, you do not respond properly. If I get the job, you both would never congratulate me with happiness. If I have become independent, you both think that I am avoiding but actually, I am grown up to take my own decisions now. I wish you both could live together happy. And forget about me, I can handle my life in a right way much better than other’s. I am just disappointed to born as your daughter. I wish I could have such parents who can love me for what I am. Who can own me as what I am… 

I lost my freedom, now I am crazy about freedom. No one should ever experience my life this way. I got the sense of epiphany suddenly. I should not force anyone; everyone has to enjoy their own life. I won’t force my boyfriend also, he must cherish his own life. I won’t friends my either because they have their own business. If there is no force everything will be alright. I am experienced with this, so I would never do such stupid mistake again in my life. Never ever!